Recently I talked to my 8-year-old granddaughter, Ella, and told her that I had a dream that she would lead a retreat with me one day when she's older. 

I explained to her what a retreat was and she said, “I'd love to do that.”

And then I said, "what part would you lead?"

She said “I dunno.” 

And I said, “well, maybe you could remind women how to play.”

She looked at me in disbelief and said “what”? 

I told her that sometimes adults forget how to play. 

She looked at me as if I was from another planet. 

In her little mind, not knowing how to play was incomprehensible. 

 That day, I realized that I, too, had forgotten how to play.

It began raining that same afternoon. Both Ella and her sister Katie ran out fully dressed and they did what kids do…relished in playing in the rain, laughing, yelling, and having the time of their lives. 

Tapping into my younger self

For once, I...

Summer is the sweetest time for self-care. If we listen to ourselves, we intuitively know that summer is the best time to slow down. 

Take time to relax and recharge

The summer invites us all to do everything at a slower pace. It's ok to relax and be lazy sometimes. 

It's a time to get away…it’s vacation time.

And…it’s the summer solstice on June 21st...the longest day of the year. We have more light to be outside, play, and watch the setting sun while it's warm.  

When we take this time to take care of ourselves by letting our brains rest, our bodies relax, we create balance and we become more creative. When we slow everything down, then we can see what needs to be changed in our lives.

Summer self-care is easier to do than you think. 

Last summer I took a personal self-care retreat. It was transformative. 

Before leaving, I was exhausted and burned out from too much work. I knew I was out of balance in a big way. 

So I...

Have you ever felt stuck? If you've ever been unable to figure things out and known that you don't have the answers, have you ever said anything like this to yourself...

“I want to change my life but I have no idea what to do. Plus I’m scared. I’m afraid I’ll never be happy/where I want to be in life/balanced/fulfilled. 

I don’t have a clue how to get what I want and I don’t even think I can have it. 

If you’ve had these thoughts, you’re not alone. 

It’s hard to say this kind of stuff out loud. 

And…sometimes people go into self-blame mode and feel even worse and then say something like…what’s wrong with me?  Why can’t I figure this out? Will I ever get to be happy? 

The reason is that it’s hard. 

It’s hard when you feel stuck to get yourself out of that mode. I know because I’ve been there so many times. 

But we don’t have...

Let’s face it. Life isn’t easy. It’s tough and gutwrenching at times. And we can easily feel overwhelmed.  Plus we live in a world that’s chaotic, violent, unpredictable, scary, and more than our brains can handle.

This is why I encourage everyone to reach out and get help when they need it. I’ve been a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for 30 years and I’ve also been a life coach for 17 years. I love both of these ways of helping people, but they are very different. 

If you're struggling in some way right now, or life isn't what you hoped it would be and you're not sure what to do, you may not know exactly what you need. 

Therapy and coaching are not the same. It's important to know the difference so you can make the best choice for yourself. To help you to do this here is some guidance on how to know if you need a coach or a therapist. 

Working with a Therapist

Therapists, also known as mental health...

 2006 on my way to Europe

There was a time in my life when I was fed up, burned out, and stressed. I didn’t really like how my life was going and I was way too busy to figure out what to do about it. 

I was working as a psychotherapist in a clinic with children and their families. It was hard, challenging, and emotionally draining work. I’d been at this clinic for eight years and I felt like I made a difference in the lives of the children and their parents.  But there was a cost.

Somewhere along the line, I began dreading getting up day after day, driving 30 miles to work in traffic. Some days it was hard to walk in the door because I was already tired. 

Feeling unfulfilled in my job

Even though I felt like I was helping children and I worked with wonderful colleagues who supported each other, I kept hearing that nagging voice inside me say, “you're not doing what you love and this job doesn't really bring you joy.”

I was afraid to let...

If you’re struggling to make healthier changes in your life, it could be that you’re not convinced a change is needed. Many of us are also great at avoiding change. It tends to be something we dread, rather than look forward to. 

However, if you want to live your best life, it’s imperative you recognize when a change is needed. So, how exactly can you recognize that change is needed in your life? Below, you’ll discover some of the common signs to look out for.

You feel lost or stuck in life

Do you feel like you’re stuck in a rut and you’ve lost your purpose? This is a sure sign that a change is needed. Everyone has a purpose, but it isn’t always easy to identify it. Also, your purpose can change as you get older and go through life’s experiences. So, if you feel like your life isn’t your own anymore, it’s time to make a change. 

Your mood is consistently flat

Another sign change is needed is if you find your mood...

One of the most difficult challenges many people face with self-care is finding the time to fit it in. When you live a busy lifestyle, it can seem almost impossible to find extra time to look after yourself.

So, how can you balance practicing self-care with a busy lifestyle? Here, you’ll discover some great tips you can follow.

Schedule it in

A good tip you can follow to ensure you can fit self-care into your busy routine is to schedule it in. Think about it, you schedule in everything else, so why not self-care? When you set a time to focus on yourself, you are much more likely to stick to it. No matter how busy you think you are, there will always be time for self-care somewhere in your schedule.

Establish a morning routine

If you are struggling to find the best time of day to practice self-care, you might find it easier in the morning. If you’re a busy parent, you might disagree here but think about it. In the morning, you could get up just 30 minutes earlier, or 15...

Clearing your clutter is a great form of self-care because all of the things no longer serving you are draining your energy and affecting your health.

If you take tiny steps to let go of excess stuff, you can make space for things you do want in your life.  

If you’ve been procrastinating on a home decluttering project, chances are that the reason behind your hesitation is feeling overwhelmed or just not knowing where to start. Those things can trip anyone up on the road to organization. When you find yourself stuck in a pattern of avoidance, the best method to change that pattern is to start with small tasks. Even doing just one little thing is progress.

To help you along your way, consider one of these dozen tiny decluttering steps you can take today. 

Clear Just One Surface

Clear your kitchen table. If that’s too overwhelming, choose a segment of your countertop. Make it a surface you see daily, and be sure to keep it spotless. 

Empty...

There are so many reasons why we don’t let go of our stuff. 

You know what I’m talking about…The things in our closets and drawers and our homes that don’t bring us joy, the things we don’t use, and the things that we’ve totally forgotten about. 

The THINGS that are clogging up and draining our energy. 

Here are just some of the lies we say to avoid clearing our clutter and letting go of it. 

1. I’ll sell it later and make some money
2. I paid so much for it, I can’t let it go
3. I might need it someday
4. I’ll start decluttering next weekend
5. That was a gift so I have to keep it (even though I don’t really like it). 
6. Clutter doesn’t affect me that much 

I’ll sell it later & make some money

We keep things aside to sell on sites like eBay, Craigslist, or Amazon Marketplace but then the stuff just sits around in our homes for weeks or months because of the time and effort required to...

I grew up in a home where if we discovered we had a guest coming to our house, it was a big deal. What was never really said out loud was that we couldn’t let them in the door until “the house was clean”.  We'd run around madly “cleaning” the house before a visit. 

Living in a cluttered home

Now I realize our house wasn’t actually dirty, it was just cluttered.

Our upstairs attic was filled with all the things that had been basically dumped there because no one seemed to know what to do with the stuff and we couldn't possibly throw any of it away. Because the unspoken rule was “we might need it someday.”

The thing I realize now is that no one talked about “it.” The clutter.  

Growing up with clutter

I grew up thinking everyone’s home was like this and that you just didn’t throw anything away. We had clutter everywhere and didn't think it was a problem. We just moved stuff around and hid...